Fear is a debilitating illness. Yes, illness. I have come to believe fear is an illness caused by a lack of faith. Of course, this is just a semantical argument. Fear may be a neurosis or just an emotion. But if I think of it as an illness I can find a cure for it much easier (for myself). An illness is a “sickness affecting the body or mind.”
It is in the context of sickness that I characterize fear. Symptoms. Any sickness has symptoms. Some of the symptoms of fear are: unwarranted anxiety, an inability to act, irrational feelings, and isolating.
Fear causes us to have unwarranted anxiety about the future. This anxiety may be specific or general. I may fear losing my job. I may fear losing my family. I may fear losing my health. You see the pattern emerging. Anxiety and fear go hand in hand.
I am afraid to lose something that is important to me. When we become attached to things, be it people, places, or things, we can become obsessed with whatever satisfaction and comfort they give us. Losing the ego value derived from the things causes us to become fearful. This fear or anxiety is usually misplaced.
Yes, there are legitimate reasons to anticipate the loss of thigs, but generally the chances are small and the discomfort caused by unrealized fear is much worse than an actual loss if it should occur. The main point is not to lose the happiness and joy of the things we have at the expense of worrying about the future.
Enjoy what we have today and be grateful for it. As the writer of Ecclesiastes says: “a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry” (Ecclesiastes 8:15)
Often times fear paralyzes us. We are afraid of the outcomes of our actions. We are afraid of the judgment others will have of our actions. We are afraid things may turn out differently than we planned. In actuality, our decisions normally turn out different than we plan. We cannot predict the future.
We can only hope for something close to what we want or need. People will never be completely satisfied with what you do so why wait until you think a perfect outcome will occur. All we can do about our fear is to see it for what it is: uncertainty. We have a natural dissatisfaction with the future.
Fear paralyzes us in other ways. We are afraid of embarrassment, rejection, and humiliation. We value the way others view us. We don’t want to come across as inept or stupid. We want what we do to have merit and be on par with others. Sometimes we don’t act out of fear of condemnation.
So many of our feelings arising from fear are irrational. They are irrational because they are often unnecessary. Fear, aside from immediate fear caused by danger, is usually irrational. We are bound up in our own expectations that are often unrealistic.
The old adage: “False Expectation Appearing Real” is very true. Fear becomes a real obstacle to our life. It takes hold of our psyche and prevents us from reaching out to what we want and dream.
Finally, fear can cause us to isolate ourselves from others. I can become so afraid of what people think of me that I quit interacting with people altogether. I am afraid of their judgment, their criticism, their needs. When I place myself in the midst of other people I create a different dynamic for my life. I create expectations from myself and from others. It is these expectations that are often what I fear.
But what is it I fear about aloneness. To me what I fear is having to deal with myself. I am often unhappy with being alone because I must face my fears. I will not be distracted by others and drawn into their life as a pretext to avoid my own. I will have to face my fears — seeing just how unreal they are. Once having this knowledge, I have to act. But acting brings up its own set of different fears. And so I must continue down this path of courage until I find a way to deal with my reality.
The real trick with being alone is being courageous in our Self. It is accepting myself as what I am and what I am capable of. It is accepting that things will not always be perfect or even acceptable. When I can do this I can “be comfortable in my own skin”. Then I can enjoy the peace, serenity, and quietness of spirit that aloneness provides. I can drink in the sweetness of each moment, knowing that my life, just as it is, is enough, and I am worthy.