“I will accept and embrace my aloneness because it is no more distressing than the peace I now enjoy. The considerable stress over the past three weeks has not come from aloneness but from unrealistic expectations and disappointments.”
As I study more and more on what aloneness really means — I come to the conclusion that the only problem with my solitude is me. If there are others around, then I am distracted from the reality of my life and I do not have to confront whatever issues need addressed. My anger and resentment over being alone, usually directed entirely toward myself, gives rise to disappointment, pain and a sense of loss. The pain is no more painful than it would be if others are around. I’m not talking about real pain, derived from an actual loss — a death, a divorce, some real catastrophe. I’m talking the generalized pain of life. The daily disillusionment and despair arising out of the frequent maladies we face each day.
My anxiety and fear of the future or guilt and shame over the past are the daily bumps and bruises my ego takes. When I am alone, they are compounded. More importantly, it is the dissonance of disappointment. The uneasiness of not getting what we want, what we expected, what we deserve.
It is my feeling of privilege and entitlement that causes me to suffer the most. Yes, there is real pain and suffering that comes in cases of distress and disaster. These are difficult to deal with, and sometimes take a long time to resolve. But these too require a sense of balance. We can bury our self in our losses and never regain happiness. But that is not what life is about: life is about recovering our sense of meaning and purpose; growing – moving on.