THE EBB AND FLOW OF LIFE

It is probably unrealistic to expect that I will always feel so at peace. Moments of stress and anxiety come and go but the peace I now know is an all-pervading reality that provides a secure backdrop to my life.

Serenity is a fleeting feeling.  It comes and goes as the events of the day take us.  There is nothing wrong with being disturbed by the daily grind.  I actually despise people who seem always chirpy and happy.  I think they are fake.  I know this may be judgmental but so be it.  I don’t actually despise them.   I am merely annoyed they refuse to give in to the aggravation that exists.  Granted, there may be those who can face every day without a modicum of angst.  I just find it difficult to accept.

To me serenity is not how I feel, it is how I act.  The world may be falling down around me and I can still act serene.  I don’t mean cheerful. I mean accepting of the things that are happening, knowing they will not destroy me (usually).  Yes, I will react, and maybe react with some negativity. But I will not be harsh or hateful.  If I need to be firm and assert my feelings, I will.  First, I will take some stock of the situation and try to make sure what I do is the right thing.

But I won’t just sit idly by letting things run roughshod over my happiness.  I won’t let my ego get in the way and go all privileged, but I will make sure if there is something I need to do, I will do it.  Of course, the flip side of that is: it must be something I can change, and change in an appropriate manner.  If the problem is something I have no means of resolving, then I can only let it go.

In either case, I need wisdom to know what is the right thing to do.  Wisdom to look at my part in things.  Wisdom to act with compassion, dignity, and righteousness.  There may be times when the pressures of life bear heavy on my heart and I am troubled, depressed, hurt, afraid.  It may be OK in times to accept these feelings, knowing they are temporary.  Life has a way of fixing itself if we just step out of the way.  Humility cures many ills.  If I look to the road map which Christ showed me, I will see the pathway to peace: accepting hardship.  Not accepting it by just giving in to my weaknesses; but accepting that as long as I am trying to do what is right, things will be OK.  I can only patiently wait for the tide to turn according to God’s purpose for me.

I cannot expect perfect happiness now.  But I can keep my mind on a pleasant plain, and enjoy the grand moments as I wait patiently through the tumultuous ones.  So what does this have to do with loneliness?

Well, my aloneness is just a state of being: it is neither good, nor bad.  My serenity comes by accepting it as it is.  It may be a temporary thing.  Or it could be long-term.  I cannot allow myself to be displaced by my aloneness.  It is part of me.  I have to look at my life in totality, not mere pieces of the puzzle.  The past, present and future are merely reflections of who I was, am, and will be.  The final product is up to God, who doesn’t make mistakes.

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