I will lay aside the fantasy of a perfect relationship. I will recognize that no relationship can ever stand the test of time nor reach the same degree of quality that I can find in myself. I will therefore abandon the futile lifelong search that continually shakes me from the inner peace and contentment that is always available in my aloneness.
I was in marriage relationships most of my life (until 45) and took them for granted. They were never perfect but I still wanted to be with the person. Well actually No. I didn’t want to be with the person. I wanted to be with some other person. I wanted to be on the other side of the world. I wanted to be alone. Now that I am alone. I want to be in a relationship. WTF?
I am afraid to be alone. I am ashamed to walk into a restaurant and hear the matre’d say “Just one?”. Yet in truth, other than the inconvenience I cause couples-based businesses, being alone on Valentine’s and New Year’s Days, I am OK being alone. It is something I have to remind myself about. My problem isn’t so much being alone. It is wanting to have occasional outings with a female. I think it’s called a date, but I’m not sure if that is the proper term anymore. I have never dated so I don’t know the first thing about it.
But can a perfect relationship exist? I think yes and no. First I’ll cover ‘No’.
Why No? Because relationships are made up of people and people are imperfect. Should two people be opposites are exactly the same? If opposite, is it possible that both individual’s strengths and weaknesses exactly complement one another. If the same, can each person tolerate the same quirks and anomalies in one another? To me, no two people can be so well matched that there are no issues that arise. No reasons for arguments or resentments. Plus, people are so prone to intolerance it is simply implausible that two people’s behaviors could be so well adapted to life that they are perfect.
But it is the flip-side of my argument that makes a perfect relationship possible, if improbable. There are people whose nature and character have been so shaped or whose relationship has been so well refined that their relationship rockets to the stratosphere. There are couples who stick out the problems that arise and make it through the storm. It takes commitment, hard-work, honesty, forgiveness, and a whole host of other foundational values.
So a perfect relationship is difficult to come by but possible. It is better to be alone and take time cultivating my own good qualities before I can venture into another relationship. It is lonely and painful to be alone but I’ve come to believe the aloneness is better for me and her as people than to be in a bitter, loveless situation.